Last night I dreamt that I was in bed, nearly asleep, and in a perfect equilibrium of warmth and comfort. When I finally awoke, I found I had pulled the blanket out from the corners of the bed and I was freezing to death.

Sometimes it seem my unconscious mind lacks anything resembling self-preservation.

 


John Henry was a rich old baby
Standin' with Webster's family
He raised up two fingers and with words of steel
Said, "Laptops to all of you - for free,
...Lord, Lord!
The laptops are absolutely free."


Anyone care to let John Henry in on what he's really trying to say to the kids?

 
Susie Felber asks the following question:

"If someone wore a trucker hat that said, "TRUCKER HATS SUCK" would it then be considered cool again?"

The answer is, of course, no trucker would ever be so self-aware as to put that on their hat. It's possible a rare few might use "THIS TRUCKER HAT SUCKS," but that would be pushing things.

And non-truckers wearing trucker hats, no matter what's printed on them, was never cool. I don't decide these things, I just snicker as I report them.

Final note to Susie: Stalking involves too much travel and the chance of an encounter with an angry boyfriend, so I'm against it. I prefer anonymous masher notes. They don't lead to anything, but then who wants that?

 
Anyway...

So this morning when you picked up your morning newspaper, what was splashed across the front page, above the fold? Was it the Supreme Court's judgements on afffirmative action? Perhaps it dealt with the six British soldiers killed near the Iraqi city of Amara. Or maybe yours focused on the ongoing SARS scare. All important issues demanding coverage, wouldn't you say?

Ah, but my local paper! They'll have none of that. A far more serious topic of import graces the top of their front page today. For them, it's all about betrothal:

Just Married
Hometown celebrity Adam Sandler ties knot in California

Malibu, Calif. — Adam Sandler married model-actress Jackie Titone in an outdoor ceremony that was attended by his celebrity friends and his pet bulldog dressed in a custom tuxedo.

They certainly know how to put the important points of an article in the lede.

Sometimes it seems our press will print whatever it takes to prove their readers want nothing more than to have celebrities – any celebrities – play the American role of spoiled royalty. Ah, but the story under this crap is "Bad roof forces nursing home move." All this and thirty-nine pages more. I want my fifty cents back.

 
In the Nom...

A name like Kafkaesquí isn't really all bad. For starters, it's unique. One doesn't have to try all that hard to stand out when you're waving such an eye-catching flag. Gaudy, sure; but eye-catchingly gaudy.

And it makes me easy to find. Try that, Bob. (I know, Phil. I know. But I'm ALWAYS #1.)

I do enjoy correcting those new to saying it aloud. It's the schoolmarmish part of me, I guess. So if you happen to be one of them, here is a pronunciation key:

Kaf

Think coffin instead of kaftan, though I'm fine with the latter. Years spent with New Englanders on words like 'car' and 'yard' has destroyed not only my sensitivity to the letter R, but to those deep, guttural A's.

ka

Try to ignore the impetus to mimic a crow on this one. Instead, go for a 'kay', but like in kayak, not Kayman Islands.

es

Yes, this is an easy one.

quí

Just a simple key. No more, no less, though if you want to put a little flavor into to it, I'm always up for some quiche

Emphasis is placed on the first and third syllables. There, you are now an adept. I can teach you no more, grasshopper. Except that after learning all this, you're probably better off calling me Kaf. The simple path is usually the best one.

 
More on the name...

Beside the regular barrage of misspellings, technical ASCII prejudice and plain old weirdness, there's an inconvenience to travelling through life with a moniker like Kafkaesquí. (Imposed at birth? Self-inflicted? Does it matter?) First, there's a scent of spuriousness about it. Just a hint of a whiff, but it's there. And unlike a majority of first names, it fails to bring along a meaning or history. You certainly can't trace it back to ancient Rome where it was applied to cat milkers. However, we can parse it down to its morphemic units and have a little fun in the process. At my expense, naturally.

So let's take that trip, shall we?

Kafka - Franz; dead Czech writer (1883-1924)
esquí - ski; skiing (español)

So, what to make of that? A hostile act of incongruity, if anything. Kafkaesquí is loaded with the stuff. How discordant it sounds; those two things should not be brought together on a page, let alone a mountainside (though some have tried). If I said my middle name was Irony, who could seriously doubt it?

Never mind that at root to this madness is far more likely a mosh of the phrase Kafka estaba aquí. Something like that so utterly complicates the tour I have to stop the bus and force everyone off. Hopefully you can find your way home.

 
Hello guff reader. Kafkaesquí here.

Could not post for the past day. Blogger wouldn't let me log on. Why, you ask? Oh, let us be kínd ín our phrasíng and say ít decíded to have a problem wíth a tíny flourísh of personal style found ín a certaín flouríshy user logín. Assumedly, Latín1 can go screw ítself. So ít took a whíle, but Í fínally fígured out who Blogger was expectíng.

Just call me Kafkaesqu?.

I really, truly love each new week with Blogger. It's like a breath of fresh air. In the vacuum of space.

 
I just love a good love story. (You'll need Macromedia's Flash player, and lots of Kleenex.)