As a blogger, I find this parody of popular bloggers to be...well, I don't quite know how I feel about it. Other than pissed I didn't do it first.

(Props to tbogg for pointing.)

 
It being Friday the 13th and all, I think it's time once again for my somewhat longer than semi-annual, completely retrofitted for the guff form factor, Lost in Space edition of the friday five!

1. You are an evil man.
That's hardly a question, now is it.

2. You are an evil man, are you not?
Ok, that at least is a question. I'm not sure what you're on about, but does someone being evil have any importance in this little Q&A? I don't believe it does.

3. But you are evil, right?
Look, I don't see how being demoniac, diabolic, hell born -- or not -- has any bearing to the friday five process.

4. Damn it, you are evil!
Again with a non-question? I'm hardly getting my money's worth on this.

5. Back to the fiery nether realm with you, Satan-spawn! Begone!!
My patience has limits, and you just passed it, pal. Into the open brimstone pit with you. I'll get my pitchfork and the barbecue sauce...

 
Oh, all right. Since I live in the damn city where they're built, I guess I should post this series of shots of President Bush with a Segway:

It weebles wobbles...you get the picture.

 
Hey everyone, go meet my new blog*spot neighbor, where you can read a roundup of the...er...better reviews to be found on Amazon.com. Just in case you needed that sort of thing.

 
If you're about my age and don't remember how great Guadalcanal Diary was, you have no musical opinions worth listening to. Sorry, but fair is fair.

 
I'm number one in puss y. Who would've thought? Certainly not I.

 
From: Kafkaesqu{{ Oseo
To: Marybeth@ShopAmericaNetwork
Cc: guff
Subject: RE: Information Request

Marybeth,

Although I'm unaware of your operation and have not contacted you previously, I was heartened to see an interest from you in featuring my product on your network. And I appreciate how you refrained from using the name of my product in your unexpected solicitation. My concerns over security are high at this time, as you apparently understand.

Though your sales and marketing resources used to promote and sell my product will finally provide the venue it deserves, I feel it wise to first request some information from you. Know this is merely to put my mind at ease that the sales staff and other employees of the Shop America Network (America's Leading Shopping Network) perceive how essential I believe my product will be to all of humanity, and parts of Ohio.

Take your time in formulating responses to these questions, as your answers will be far more important than you can possibly understand. No, really.

Question 1: If you had my product in your hands right now, how would it make you feel? Would you prefer to feel this way all the time?

Question 2: Imagine yourself in a boat floating down a river embroiled in rapids. Suddenly your boat capsizes and you are dashed against the rocks, helpless and exposed. Would my product be the best thing to have right then? If yes, how is it better than a life jacket or rescue party?

Question 3: A tree falls in the woods, but no one is around. Due to the effect of the falling tree, my product begins to vibrate at a frequency of 256Hz. Would you hear it?

Question 4: I place my product at the bottom of a deep well for a period of forty-five days. When the forty-five days are up I remove my product from the well and hermetically seal it in a steel container with sides six inches thick. I then bury the container one-hundred and fourteen feet beneath the ground for a period of not less than ninety-six thousand and two years. Through a miraculous turn of fate I have been frozen, and the people of that future time revive me moments before the container is unearthed. Now, will I find my product perfectly preserved for freshness sake?

Question 5: How much should we sell it for?

Thank you in advance, and remember: buy wholesale, buy in bulk!

Sincerely,
Kafkaesquí Oseo
President, CEO, Janitor
My Product Corp, LLC

 
Susie Felber performs a celebrity spotting on Philip Seymour Hoffman. There's a brief Julia Louis-Dreyfus cameo, and apparently Mel Brooks directs. I'm already calling for tickets.

Have no idea who Susie Felber is? Need a clue on Philip Seymour Hoffman? Don't watch Seinfeld reruns? Comedy culture-phobe!

You damn well better be acquainted with Mel Brooks. So no link for him.

 
Looks like the new version of Blogger has hit the showroom. As a reader this will probably mean little to you. For me and those like me (which, sure, may also be you), it's time to go back to school.

Meanwhile, watch the blogumentary. Yeah, the 'blog-cetera' thing is getting a little tiresome. So be it!

 
John Updike (among others) reviews Hillary Clinton's Living History :

"Senator Clinton is an excellent and thorough-going politician and not a novelist; her description of "the most devastating, shocking and hurtful experience" of her life is nowhere as moving or human as the legalistic vignettes of furtive partial pleasures in the Starr Report."

He is clever, that Updike is. Always quick with the political quip. Anyway John, I'd like to thank you for helping me see that Mrs. Clinton is not a novelist. Otherwise, I'd have gone into bookstores looking next to Cheever's work. Now I can avoid such a naive reader faux-pas.

Truly inspired: novelists reviewing an autobiography. Up next, fashion designers critique Bush's revealing flightwear.

 

"We are making steadfast progress."
-George W. Bush

A true oxymoron. Leave off the "oxy."

 
From handiwork fed by a period of boredom this afternoon, here's several popular blogs, in anagram form:

Instapundit
rather suitable: Unpaid Stint
favorite: Inapt Nudist

Echaton
rather suitable: Hate Cons
favorite: Chaos Net (close second: Taco Hens)

Doc Searls Weblog
rather suitable: Beardless Cog Owl
favorite: Elders Cobol Swag

Metafilter
rather suitable: Life Matter
favorite: Fame Litter

WIL WHEATON DOT NET
rather suitable: WHO NOW DILETTANTE (Yes? No? Maybe?)
favorite: WHO ENTITLED WOTAN

And finally, one minimally popular blog...

Blurried Musings
right on target: Disbursing Lemur

 
My new personal motto: All mistakes attributable to me are done on purpose.

 
Uh, everybody? What is with all the polling going on in regards to Hillary Clinton for president?

Considering how bad her numbers look in relation to a sitting president, I guess it's a good thing she's NOT RUNNING, and has said so, publically, numerous times. For months.

Me thinks someone in the Republican camp has been pushing this talking point a little too hard. Idiots...