If you're an unfortunate enough soul to have the name Dingleberry imparted on you, I don't think you'd fall for an analysis claiming your "pleasant manner attracts people to you with their problems and you are capable of offering practical advice." However, I'd accept it "restricts your success in business and personal pursuits." The part about hair loss is probably true, too.

 
According to Cynthia Cotts at the Village Voice, the US government has spent almost (I can't avoid capitalizing it) One Billion Dollars over the past five years on anti-drug ads, and haven't reaped much success for their... er, our money.

Would have been more worthwhile if they'd just sent a thousand dollars to every kid who stopped taking drugs.

 
There are times when you can take stage direction too literally.

 
So what if I've seen every one of Wired's Science Fiction Top 20? Who cares that 4 of them are in my all-time top 10 favorite movies? I admit it, I'm an SF geek. Enough to cringe when Wired calls them sci-fi flicks. I am nerd, hear me snurkle.

 
I guess they'd call this an inexpensive Windows XP for the baseball loving, gum-chewing crowd. I just want the bobblehead.